Steve - Looks

Edit: I've decided I'm not posting in this blog anymore, not until the problems I expressed in this entry have gone away. If we all stopped masturbating we'd probably get laid a lot more, right?

Lonely.

So yesterday it was my birthday. I'm nineteen now!

I also bought some more checked shirts. I do like checked shirts. They're all XL, so they're all big and longsleeved, and two of them are fuzzy. One is orangeyreddy, one is black&white, one is blue/black. They make me happy.

Gaahhh I want cuddles v_v.

I got a typewriter. Not just any typewriter, a manual portable typewriter! Portable in the sense that if I were to work out a few hours a day I could probably carry it around with a fair degree of ease. It's fun to type on though. You have to push down a fair way, physically move the machinery. It's interesting, because it keeps some of the... honesty, of handwriting, the notion that you're actually making the marks yourself rather than having it mediated through a computer, but you're still distanced from the materiality of the text by the standard typewriter font. It's more difficult too, which seems important. Especially since people used to use them all the time. I especially enjoy making emoticons on it, seems like such a fun juxtaposition.

It's a lovely spring evening. I love evenings, in every season. The light... and in the summer you get some nice warmth but usually a nice breeze and without any uncomfortable sun-heat. The shadows, the sky, the horizon dulled or coloured by all the texture and dust of the lower atmosphere...

And yet I have no one to spend these with.

Am I the only one with these desires? Or is everyone too caught up in their lives to realise them? Or is everyone lonely, like me?

I don't know. I exaggerate too, it's not everyone, it's just me and the people I notice. Isolation, right? The Revolution of the Everyday Life is such an amazing text. Have you read it?

I was thinking the other day: it's fairly easy to find people who share similar ideas as you, people who are similar emotionally, intellectually. On the internet it's incredibly simple. But... finding people with similar behaviours to you is harder, especially on the internet. But people with similar behaviours (or at least similar desired behaviours) is so very important... because then you can spend time with them, do things with them, real things, important things, wonderful things. Talk is great... but I don't want to exist in terms of language, I want my language to be liberating, not confining.

I want a companion, a fere, a buddy.

Is what I am looking for real? Is it possible?

If you're reading, stop... we have things to do.